Things you would never hear on CSI
by Liv'Simply
Summary: Ever wondered what happens behind closed doors, when the cameras aren't rolling? Small, funny ficlets with all our characters. What more could you want? Note: Rating may change.
1. Spiders and shaving

**Authors Note: **_This is a brand new idea for a story, I have just started it. Each chapter will be short, as they are only small, humurous ficlets. _

_Anyway, here is the first one. Enjoy!_

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><p>Sara was stood with her back to Gil, gazing at him in the slightly fogged mirror, open blade razor in hand. "Do you trust me?" She inquired lightly, before turning to face him properly. They were stood in Gil's bathroom, it was one of their rare days off. Dressed in comfortable clothing and barefoot, not to mention the frothy shaving cream on his face, Gil looked a picture.<p>

"Intimately" He replied, turning his head as she placed her hand on his jaw.

Not long after she had began, she heard Gil murmur something quietly: "What's that little black thing on the floor there?" He pointed in the general direction.

Frowning, Sara crouched down to get a better view of the mysterious black object. Laughing slightly, she shook her head as she replied "Oh Gil, its just a spider..-"

"A SPIDER?" Gil moved away swiftly, the look of shock spreading across his once tranquil face. "KILL IT! SQUISH ITS LITTLE FREAKY ASS BODY!" He squealed, covering his face with his hands and jumping onto the small porcelain toilet.

Sara straightened up and muttered to herself- "Seriously man..grow a pair".

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><p><em>Sorry for it being so short, but thats it. I will upload a few at a time in future. <em>

_Reviews are loved, thank you!_


	2. Men and music

**Authors note:** _I do not own any of the characters, I just wish I did._

_Hope you like it..._

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><p>Nick and Ray strode down one of the labs corridor, files in hand, as they discussed a current case. "We should get with Greg with all this information on our lead, he is part of this case and helping us after all" Ray gestured towards the break room, knowing he would most likely be there, snacking on noodles or listening to his music.<p>

"Good idea" Nick agreed, following him.

Upon entering the break room, Ray gasped, yelling - "What is that terrible noise?"

"I don't know, but Greg is singing to it" Nick bellowed above the drowning music, hands on his ears.

"Baby, baby, baby. Ohhhhhhh. Like baby, baby, baby. Ohhhhhhhh!" Greg pranced around singing at the top of his lungs to the stereo stood on the table. Sighing, Nick paced a few steps towards him, quickly flicking a button, putting an end to the music. "Wha-" Greg turned to find Ray and Nick glancing questionably at him.

"What's all this about Greg? What happened to Marilyn?" Nick raised a brow as he looked at the young CSI. He just shrugged as he sat at the large table.

"I just thought a variety in music would be healthy, that's all" He looked up at Ray, then Nick, and back again.

"But Bieber? Man, he sucks"

"DOES NOT" Greg jumped up, defending the teen pop sensation.

Ray nodded in agreement with Nick - "He is pretty suckish Greg"

"Don't you say that!" Greg's face moulded into shock. "I LOVE HIM NICKY!"

With that last statement, Nick and Ray just stood, glaring at Greg as they pondered what they should do next.

"Dude...-" Ray began. "That's...ermm...weird."

"Is not!"

"Is too"

"Look Greg, Bieber sucks, I'm sorry. But your not a teen girl" Nick tried to reason with him.

"For him, I can be anybody..." Greg batted his eyelashes and folded his hands under his chin in a obvious sign of infatuation.

Ray looked down, then up at Nick. "Damn, I can't wait til you shoot that kid."

"Me neither, Ray. Me neither..."

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><p><em>What do you think? Should I continue? Reviews please! Thank you,<em>


	3. Brass' brownies

**Authors note: **_Sorry for taking this long! Anyway, here it is. I also want to thank everyone for all the reviews, favourites and suscriptions. Thanks guys!_

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><p>Brass walked around the interrogation room, hands clasped behind his back as he strode around the metal table. He turned suddenly, planting his broad hands down, leaning over to look his suspect in the eye.<p>

"Come on...admit it. I know what you did" Brass bellowed, obvious anger in his fierce eyes.

"I saw you, peeping in on them..."

"I only looked, I never touched" The suspect screamed as Brass came closer.

"-No...let me finish. You then abducted them, cut them into tiny pieces and then..."

"No, no, no. Wait, you have it all wrong!"

"You ate them. Every. Single. One. You sick man."

"I never did anything! I promise! It was Nick!" Hodges cried out as he attempted to defend himself, his face agape as Brass glared at him defiantly.

"Nicky boy would never do this. He knows how I felt about them. But you...you're just pure sick Hodges!"

On the outside, Nick stood watching the interrogation, fresh steaming coffee in hand. Catherine strode up by his side, watched for a moment, then turned to Nick.

"He's going on about that again? Will he ever let it go? I mean, does it matter who took them?" Catherine shook her hand, as she watched a terrified Hodges and Brass.

"Well" Nick began, pausing the sip some of the coffee "You know Brass. He loved those brownies..."

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><p><em>Who doesn't like brownies...or Brass for that matter? Reviews are loved, thank you!<em>


	4. Gigantic Gilbert Grissom

**Authors note: **_This one is a bit longer then the others, but bear with it! Thank you. _

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><p>"Sara, are you sure this is a good idea right about now?" Gil enquired in a worried state, before Sara silenced him by mashing her lips against his. Her palms flattened on his broad torso, trailing downwards slowly.<p>

"What..you would rather be doing paper work?" She purred as she clasped his shirt and pulled him towards the desk. She sat on the edge, kissing him as she unbuttoned his sky blue shirt.

"Believe me. I know what I would rather be..doing" Gil growled as he pulled her up against him, pushing the cotton shirt up and over her head. He gently caressed the tender mounds of breasts as she hastily removed his shirt and belt, placing wet kisses on the newly revealed flesh.

"Gil" Sara groaned as she felt his bare warmth. "We should do this more often". He only responded by flinging the red lace bra to the ground, groaning as he trailed kisses, starting at her neck and heading south. He slid the clinging denim fabric down Sara's long legs, smiling up at his wife as he did so.

Gil stood up straight, looking deep into her bright orbs. Grinning, he leaned in and whispered "Your telling m-" but was cut short by the door flying open. Catherine, her head down in a mixture of files, barking orders as she strode in.

"Gil, I need you to-" She glanced up at the couple, mouth agape. Sara, still splayed on the desk in nothing but panties, quickly slapped her hands over her chest, squealing. Gil, on the other hand, practically jumped behind the desk, hiding from the feisty blonde. "Oh my God!" The files dropped to the floor as Catherine brought her hands to her face.

"Catherine! Wait!" Gil tried to reason from behind the desk, struggling to pull his jeans back on. Catherine ran from the room, the door slamming, seemingly shaking the emptier room.

"Oh. My. God. How are we supposed to face her now? No doubt, she will tell the whole team" Sara placed her head in her hands as Gil passed her some clothing.

"Don't worry dear, I'm sure we can talk to her."

"I'll talk to her. I suppose I should seen as we are both women..."

Gil's face lit up at this last statement. "Sorted then. I should be getting on with my paper work" He sat back at the desk uncomfortably.

"Oh yeah. Get yours and then let me clean up. Typical man" Sara chuckled as she finished putting on the bra. She picked the shirt from the ground, throwing it over her head.

"Hey! I didn't get all of mine" Gil taunted, standing to pass her the jeans, which were slouched over the office chair. "Well...I haven't got mine...yet" He winked.

"Yeah, well. You owe me...big time. Especially if I'm the one talking to her"

"Sorry dear. Dinner on me?" He widened his eyes, tilting his head slightly as he looked at her.

"You bet your ass I want dinner" She jabbed him in the chest as she turned towards the doorway.

"Good luck!" Gil shouted as she left him to do the paper work he had been originally assigned to.

The tension in the break room was enough to crack glass. Catherine was sat at the metal table, drinking coffee and ready a glossy magazine. Greg and Nick were sat watching the local news. Ray was reading over some previous cases, and filling in reports. Sara had walked in, offered coffee to everyone, had no takers other then Greg, and proceeded to make a blend. "Here you go Greg" Sara handed him the milky coffee, sweetened with sugar to his taste. He nodded, smiling at her as he accepted.

"I'm going to get some breakfast" Ray said suddenly, closing the files and setting his pen down. "Anyone want to join?" He motioned, standing as he prepared to leave.

"Yeah, I'm in" Nick stood "Greg?"

"Yeah, I'm starving" Greg aimed the remote at the television, jamming his thumb on the standby button.

"Ladies?" Ray turned to us, questionably. Sara shook her head, stating she had already eaten. Catherine wasn't hungry, apparently. As soon as the men left, chanting and laughing, placing bets on how much Greg could eat, she sat down across from Catherine. She raised her head slightly, then went back to reading once more.

"Catherine. I didn't mean for you to see..."

"It's okay Sara" She placed the magazine flat on the metallic surface, looking over at Sara. "I know, you are going through a honey moon phase, blah blah blah. Just, lock the door next time." Catherine finished with a smirk as she sipped at her coffee.

"We really didn't mean for that to happen. I just gave him a peck and...on thing led to another..and boom. You walked in." Sara felt her cheeks flushing as Catherine grinned at her.

"It's fine, Sara. I just...hope you can contain yourself for when you are both out of work next time. You don't want to be caught in a..compromising position...again do you?" Catherine giggled as Sara grinned, shaking her head.

"Thanks Cath. You won't tell anyone will you?" Catherine only shook her head as she went back to her break. Relieved, Sara stood to leave before Catherine called her back.

"Oh Sara?"

"Yes, Catherine"

"I always wondered why you went for Gil, rather then men your own age. But now, upon seeing him...with less clothing lets say...I can defiantly see why. Gil is a truly..gifted man. I mean...that's impressive."

Sara only grinned as she walked away.

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><p><em>Admit it. We all thought it. I just put it into words! Aha, thank you for reviews everyone, keeping reviewing! Thank you!<em>


	5. Sara and spotted dick

**Authors note: **_Sorry it took so long! School, Prom, exams...you know blah blah blah. Anyway, here it is. _

_Thank you for all the reviews, favourites and subscriptions. Thank you all!_

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><p>Catherine, Ray and Sara were sat in the break room, gulping down coffee and discussing the weekend ahead.<p>

"So, 3:30 at your house then? On Saturday" Ray confirmed, glancing towards Sara over his strong, steamy coffee.

"Yeah, it's an England themed party, so you have to come as a famous English person" Sara grinned as she watched Ray sigh heavily.

"I'll come as Agatha Christie" Catherine piped in, giggling.

"I don't know who to be" Ray began.

"How about.." Catherine paused to ponder, then continued. "Queen Elizabeth I?" She grinned, her eyes sparkling.

"No."

Sara laughed at the banter between the two, then pulled out her phone. "I'm going to make sure Gil has everything we need. Two minutes" She flipped the screen, then thumbed down on speed dial. "Can you page the guys to make sure they know? Hmm, maybe a special dessert too, I love English food" She smiled, then held the phone to her right ear.

Not less then a few moments later, Nick arrived, charging straight to the freshly brewing coffee.

"Okay then" Sara turned back to the group, closing the phone. "It's all sorted. Gil's even bringing my favourite-"

"And what would that be?" Nick enquired, pouring the coffee into a large mug.

Sara resumed her old seat, in between Catherine and Ray. "Well, his Spotted Dick of course" Sara replied. Nick turned to her, disgust ripping across his face. "What's wrong Nicky?" They asked, concerned at the change in the young man.

"Sara...there are just certain things you keep to yourself.."

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><p><em>There we have it. I was feeling very British, especially after the royal wedding! Thank you for reading, reviews are loved!<em>


	6. Gil the gangsta

**Authors note: **_Sorry this took so long. Just wrote this now, I know it is short, but I will be uploading more, I promise, just got study leave. I have been so busy recently! Anyway, enough about me, hows about this story..?_**  
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><p>"Hey honey? You want to watch this new film with me? It has quite a few good actors in it" Sara wandered into the home office, to find Gil reading a few files.<p>

"Just give me about twenty mintues, I need to practice my techniques..."

"Techniques? For what?" Sara padded over, catching a glimpse of the files he was reading.

"Irrogation techniques. I need to learn a few different ones in order to 'fit in' with the different groups in society and provide the most efficient, effective way of getting information out of people."

"Oh...so what do you have to do then?"

"Just practice some. Hey Sar, can I practice one on you right now, try to fit into the person that I would be interrogating, tell me if you think I'm any good at it."

Sara stood, a little set back, but willing. In reality, she just wanted to chill out for a few hours with her husband, then fall asleep in his big arms. She had returned from a triple shift an hour ago, and had just gotten into her sweats and one of Gil's shirts. She was comfortable, but willing to wait a few more minutes for her husbands time. "Yeah, sure. Where do you want me?"

"Just wait at the table, I need to prepare myself" Gil looked down at his desk, then stood, going to inspect himself in the nearby mirror.

"Okay" Sara noted, wondering why he had to get 'prepared' but just continued on into the dining room. She placed herself in one of the chairs facing the rest of the house, and waited for her husband to appear.

"Okay, your a gangsta that has just committed a theft of an important jewellery store. Act the part!" Gil's voice drifted from his office. Before Sara had a chance to complain, Gil strutted into the room. She struggled to choke back the giggles.

He slammed his hands down on the table, the baseball cap on his head turned sideways. His tie hung loosely around his neck, his shirt untucked.

"Alright my homie? I want to be knowin' now, how did you and your home boys be getting into that fiiiiiine jewellery store and ganking those sweet ices?"

"W-w-what?" Was all Sara could muster.

"Hey yo! Don't be giving me all that shiz. I want to know how your peeps made the heist run so schmooove? Don't be disrespectin'. I just wanna know, y'know what I'm sayin' homeboy?"

"Gil, you aren't making sense" Sara sat back, astonished.

Gil stood up, making his hand the shape of a gun.

"Hey, don't be playin' me. I put a cap in yo ass! Bitch best be recognisin', you don't tell me and, fool, I'll be all up in your iced grills with this bad boy" He gestured to his 'gun' before continuing. "If you tell me now, I'll get yo ass a few years off from the dog pound, you can be getting home to your fly bitches then."

"Gil, stop! It's not working, you just look and sound weird!" Sara stood, putting a stop to the obscene interrogation. Gil stopped being the 'gangsta cop' and turned back into the usual Gilbert Grissom.

"So on the form, I should put its not a interrogation method for me then?"

"You bet your sweet ass you should."

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><p><em>Okay, so what are you thinking? I guess I will never know unless you review! Thank you for reviews and favorites by the way! Keep reviewing...!<br>_


	7. Dirty dining

**Authors note: **_So so so so sorry it took so long to update! I have been so busy, had 10 exams to date with another next week so a hell of a lot of revision recently. But! I finish next week, so I will have loads of time for Fanfic! Anyway, this one is a little AU, but it just came to me, so...enjoy it!_

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><p>The hiss of meat on the skillet and the smell of frying bacon woke Catherines senses. The team was sat around their usual table in their usual diner. Greg and Nick were already setting up a who-could-eat-the-quickest bet, Gil was whispering sweet sonnets into Sara's ear, while she blushed and giggled. And Cath? Catherine was sat observing the two couples, as usual. It had occurred to her a few diner breakfasts and dinners ago that she did not have another person to have private conversations with. Gil and Sara were all loved up since Gil moved back. Nick and Greg...well...they were just Nick and Greg. So, she decided to invite my own lady friend.<p>

"Hey, Catherine? Sorry I'm late" Catherine turned towards the voice, finding herself staring into light jade eyes, a smiling face, framed by flowing brunette locks.

"Hey Heather, it's fine. Glad you could make it." She turned back to the group, all faces now on Heather. "Guys, I invited Heather over, thought it would be nice to spend some time together"

"." Greg breathed as he looked her up and down. She was wearing a dark beige pencil skirt and tight navy blouse. Shaking her head and grinning, Heather took a seat, in between Gil and Catherine...much to Sara's obvious annoyance.

"Greg...really? You could have kept that to yourself" Sara nudged him with her elbow.

"Oh, it's okay. He is just a man, they all have...needs" Heather spoke to Sara, but switched her eyes to Gil on the word 'needs'.

"Yeah, I suppose" Sara mumbled, looking disinterested and began flicking through the menu.

"All men are the same, show them a little skin and BAM, they are wrapped around your finger" Catherine chimed in, hoping to break the one-sided awkwardness Sara was portraying.

"Too right" Heather laughed softly in agreement. Greg rebuffed, ignoring Nick and his taunting words. "So Grissom, how long have you been back? You did not mention you were coming?"

"Well..I...ermm...I have been back for a few weeks. Just getting used to the area..again"

"You should have come over for coffee...you know I missed our coffee talks"

Before Gil could even breathe another word, Sara snapped her neck towards the older woman, who was also scanning the menu, burning her eyes into the being that was Lady Heather. She seemed to scan her, reading her body language, and upon finding nothing, recluses back to reading...or pretending to read at least, the menu. Gil waited a moment while his wife relaxed.

"I would love too. But why don't you come to our house? I mean, you haven't been yet and we would love to have you over, for dinner maybe?"

"That would be lovely, yeah. I would sometime, do you still have my number"

"Yes, he does. Both house and phone" Sara grumbled from the open menu.

"Hey! I think we should all have a formal meal sometime, who likes Italian?" Catherine jumped in, knowing it would be useless with Sara's temper.

"I was just asking..."Heather attempted defending herself.

"I was just answering."

"I think he can speak for himself, Sara"

"Oh...this doesn't look good" Nick murmured.

"Well-"

"Sara..." Gil placed his hand on hers, reassuring her. She sighed, then stood up. "Where you going?"

"To the bathroom. Five minutes, order for me, you know what I like"

"I bet he does" Nick chuckled towards Greg. The rest of the table grinned at the young men, the mood lightening a little. Sara left, but not before signalling Greg to follow.

"Why does HE get to follow?" Nick whined, sounding like the child who missed out on the golden star. Everyone knew Greg was the closest to Sara, other then Grissom.

"Besties talk" Catherine shrugged, turning back to Heather.

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><p>Sara and Greg were stood beside the entrance to the toilets, Sara's brow joined together as she voiced her concerns to Greg. "I don't know what to do. There she is looking stunning as per usual, and I...I just look like plain old...Sara. Just boring. And she wants to see Gil for coffee? She misses him? What the f-"<p>

"Sara...this is a family restaurant..lets not do that."

"Sorry, I'm just so...confused right now"

"Your not boring...at all. Your Sara, our Sara with a 1000 watt Sidle-smile that we all love. No one can replace that" Greg walked towards her, placing an arm around her and pulling her close. "Your my best friend, Nick's sister, Catherine's nemesis and Gil's true love. Heather is non of those, she is just a friend of the family."

"Wow, Greg. Thank you" Sara knuckled away a single free tear before Greg carried on.

"-not to mention. She is a whole LOTTA woman! If she was added to the family, I would be faced with incest or something"

"Your disgusting."

"She is just being friendly towards Gil, that's all. You have to remember, they are good friends, just like you and me. If she says anything you find irritating, just turn and talk to me and Nick, we will calm you down"

"Thanks Greg"

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><p>"Hey, you two back from your chin-wag? Swapping nail polish?" Nick chuckled.<p>

"No, I needed to borrow something from Sara. Time of the month, always catches me out" Greg fake cried, earning laughs from the table. "Did you guys order?" Greg continued. He was met with a chorus of 'yeahs' and 'of courses'. They both took their seats, then the usual conversations presumed, only including Sara and Greg. Things between Heather and Sara seemed to be running smoothly.

Then, the lights in the diner died down, a few gasps followed as the diner was plunged into blindness.

"Nicky? I can't find you!" Greg cried out.

"Greg, I'm here...sweetie"

"You two are so gay" A random voice said.

"Homo!" Another shouted.

"No! I like women, and boobs and things!" Greg shouted out.

"Greg...shut up." Catherine ended the conversation.

"Wait...Sara is that you?" Just then, the lights came on again. Everyone was in an array of positions. Nick and Greg clung to each other like long lost lovers. Catherine was in the middle of the diner, apparently looking for a light switch. Sara was stood, glancing about. Gil on the other hand was still sat next to Heather, his hand clasped on her breast, her hand keeping it there.

"Gil? What the hell are you doing?" Sara yelled when she saw the two. Gil pulled his hand away, reacting as though it was a scolding hot iron.

"I have no idea, I reached out looking for you and...I thought it was your elbow?"

"It was an accident Sara!" Heather tried to defend herself, standing while she did so. The anger built on Sara's face.

"Sara...there are children present, don't do what I know you are thinking about doing!" Nick stood, hands spread with his palms to Sara, trying to calm her.

"So...you thought you would make my man grope you?"

"Well...I..I"

"Oh...HELL TO THE NO!"

"NO SARA!" The team cried out in unison.

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><p><em>Thats it, what do you think? I know the bit with Greg and Sara was a little...soft, but oh well. I'll update as soon as I get over writers block. Reviews are loved, thank you for the ones so far!<em>

_Another note! I want to remind people I am a BETA reader, and am open to accept requests. Just private message me, and I will get back to you. Thanks!_


	8. Whining Willows

**Authors note: **_This one is a little random. Enjoy though!_

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><p>Nick stood next to the large light table in the lab, going over some evidence from a case he received earlier in the day. A young Caucasian brunette woman, found in her swimming pool, face down and not breathing. The homicide was called in by her house maid in the early hours of the day. Examining the evidence Nick found most of it was water-logged. The thin ruby negligée lay still sodden next to an array of other objects, including matching panties, some kitten heels and a silver 'Pandora' bracelet. Seems to have been waiting for a date, then killed by the poolside, and left to prune until the burnt orange sun split the sky.<p>

Hmm...could have easily been the 'hot date'..or the maid for that matter, or- Nicks mind track was cut short by an intruding Catherine. She stormed through the open door like a violent drought, landing with a heavy sigh on the nearest stool. Her fluffed hair danced about her flushed face as she began talking to herself silently. "How dare he? Does he know who I am?". Nick chuckled a little, moving a piece of silky fabric before turning to the flustered blonde.

"Catherine? Are you okay? You seem a little.."

"Pissed? Yeah, that's about right Nicky" Catherine finished sharply. "What you doing in here anyway? Still going over the Bennett case?"

"Yeah, but never mind that for the time being, the evidence will keep. What's wrong with you, bringing a storm into the room?" Nick gestured towards the door from which she came only moments ago, emphasising his friendly concern.

She turned, her sky eyes meeting his for the first time since examining the crime scene, breathed one word "Ecklie" all that was needed for an explanation. Nick nodded, understandingly.

"I just hate him so much sometimes. Yeah, he can be cool every now and again-"

"-like when he helped out with the Nate Haskell case" Nick interjected quickly, allowing Catherine to continue her bitching.

"Yeah, but the rest of the time...like three quarters of the time, he just struts around, like the cock of the coop. I'm sick of it. Sara was right all those years ago, he does just wait for one of us to slip up and BAM he goes in for the kill"

"Psycho"

"Jeez, I'm only human you know? He comes in, telling me he 'wants to see me in this office', and starts telling me how the team was more together when Grissom was here. Then he started talking about how Griss and Sara got together, saying 'oh I hope you don't do the same thing with one of your male employees. Ugh"

"Tell me about it sister" Nick sat beside her, noting that her voice had risen slowly, and continued to do so as she continued.

"I just wish he would stop being such an..no..better yet, he should get his head out of his ass, he must be getting sick of the same old revolting smell of his own sh-"

"Cath!" Nick suddenly blurted, freezing in his spot, staring past her into the doorway. Catherine followed his gaze to find the doorway taken up by a tall figure. A figure she had previously labelled as the 'cock of the coop'.

"Willows!"

"Ecklie!" They both shouted in unison.

"Willows!" He repeated. "My office..NOW!" Catherine sighed, standing before walking out of the doorway, muttering curse words under her breath and further ridiculing the man that was Conrad Ecklie. "And you Stokes!"

"Yeah..?" Nick asked, confused and putting on an innocent persona.

"Wipe that childish grin off your face."

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><p><em>Well well well...naughty Catherine! Haha, I'm already working on a new drabble. Thanks for the reviews, keep them coming!<em>


	9. Stolen Shower

**Author's note: **_So sorry for taking so long, but anyway. Here you go!_

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><p>The sound of the gentle rush of the shower and the small slapping of the water against the tiles filled the men's locker room. Greg laughed silently to himself as he crept throughout the different stalls and basins, searching for someone specific.<p>

"I'll bring him down, bring him down, down. A king with no crown, king with no crown" The words of Lady Gaga herself flowed through the room, only this time, in a heavy southern drawl as Nick sang aloud in the shower, completely unaware of the approaching attack. "I'm just a Holy Fool, oh baby he's so cruel..But I'm still in love with Judas, baby. I'm just a Holy Fool, oh baby he's so cruel..But I'm still in love with Judas, baby" He continued, hitting all the high notes almost perfectly.

_Creepy. _Greg thought as he got closer. Closer. Hands spread, ready to grab the things he sought after. Ignoring the words of the Texas born man, he reached forwards, grabbing the clothes that lay splayed on the bench, and quickly sprinted from the steamed room, trying hard not to laugh out loud with sheer humour. "Oh oh oh oh. I'm in love with Judas, Judas" Nick continued, completely unaware, washing the foamy shampoo from his scalp.

"Help me Ray! Where do I hide these?" Greg held the clothes up as Ray shook is head.

"You shouldn't really be playing tricks on Nick you know?"

"But, it's just so funny..."

"-and cruel"

"Yeah...and funny!"

"What's so funny?" Catherine's stern voice broke the conversation between the two men, Greg stumbling to hide the evidence behind his back. "Oh Greg, you're not playing tricks again are you?" She sighed as she looked the CSI up and down.

"Yeah, he is" Ray interjected.

Greg turned to Ray, shocked. "Oh my God. You tattle tale!"

"Yeah, well. You got that case I wanted, so there" Ray pouted as he crossed his large arms. Catherine looked between the two men sighing heavily.

"You two, I just wish you wou-" Catherine was disrupted by a loud screech, the loud of a man yelping. All three CSI's turned to find Nick running towards him, lather still dripping from his dark hair, muscular arms and chiselled torso. "GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEG" He bellowed, his bare feet smacking against the pavement as he flew forwards, closer and closer. His hands placed over his southern regions as he ran awkwardly. Looking like a dear caught in headlights, Greg yelped, now taking to running away from the angered naked Texan, past the morgue and towards the DNA labs.

"Help me! There is a naked angry Nicky chasing me!" Greg wailed as he ran, clutching the clothes to his chest protectively. "He's going to get me!"

"Damn right you spiky-headed thief!"

"Greg!" Ray and Catherine had joined the chase and cried out in unison - "What out for that-"

Too late. Greg turned back in time to see the transparent glass in between him and the DNA lab getting closer and closer...until..

SMACK!

Greg moaned as his body collided with the glass ahead of him.

"Glass wall" Ray finished quietly. Naked Nick, Catherine and Ray all crowded around the wounded CSI, who now lay in a crumpled pile on the floor, rubbing his temples as he groaned. Nick reached down, grabbing the clothes that lay beside him.

"Thank you very much" He grinned as he began jogging back towards the men's locker room. Catherine crouched down next to Greg, grinning.

Ecklie strode past, pausing to look down at the young CSI. He tutted, walking away as he mumbled. "This type of shit didn't go down when Grissom was here."

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><p><em>Sorry it was short, but I hope you liked it? Reviews are loved, thank you for the ones so far!<em>


	10. Benji the beetle

**Authors note: **_Just got back from a holiday, straight back into fanficing._

_Would like to thank all those who have reviewed more then a few times, your support is brilliant. Thank you all!_

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><p>"Okay honey, are you ready for me?" Sara's husky voice drifted through the bathroom doorway, into the bedroom, where Gil was waiting, relaxed on the bed.<p>

"Why don't you come out and see?" Gil grinned to himself as his wife stepped out, clad in red lingerie with black lace trimming and coupled with stockings. "Get over here you" He growled as Sara sauntered over, swaying her hips provocatively, pursing her lips.

"Don't have to tell me twice" She whispered as she crawled along the bedsheets towards him. He laid back, enjoying the view of her as she slowly approached. "Gil, I love dressing up for you"

"I love you dressing up for me"

She chuckled softly before leaning in against his lips, but not touching. "You know what I'm going to do to you?" She paused, pressing her lips against his stubble, then went back to his rose lips. "I'm gonna-" _Crunch. _"What was that?" Sara looked down on the bedsheets to find a little black stub.

"NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" Gil threw his wife off before turning and scooping the stub up into his large palms. "BENJI? BENJI NO!"

Sara stood, rubbing her now sore rump as she glanced at her distraught husband. "Benji?"

"MY BEETLE! YOU CRUSHED HIS LEG! HOW COULD YOU BE SO CRUEL?" Gil began cradling the small beetle, speaking words of comfort as Sara watched on confused.

"You brought a beetle to bed with us?"

"He is my favourite, I was only going to keep him here for a little while..."  
>"Gil, put the beetle away"<p>

"No"

"Gil, come on" Sara smirked as she sauntered over once more, trying to seduce him. "I can give you something better then beetle love" She licked his ear, groaning as she rubbed against his side.

"Sara, the beetle is staying. I can't leave Benji now!"

"GIL! Either the beetle goes, or I do!" Sara stood back, knowing what the answer would be and grinning.

"I'll see you in the morning then dear". At this, Sara flung her arms down, frustrated in more ways then one.

"Are you serious? Gil, it's a beetle!"

"Goodnight honey, have a good time on the couch." With that, Gil rolled over, snuggling down for the night with his precious beetle.

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><p><em>We all know and love the Gilmister.<em>

_Would also like to mention, I am open to character requests. I am writing a few for some reviewers and favouriters, who asked for some more Hodges. I will accept as long as it is a character from the show, although I can put OC's in, but I need a character profile to work with. Thank you again._

_Anyway, As always, reviews are appeciated, yada yada yada._


	11. Bad Betty

**Authors note:** _Backkk! Sorry, I've just started college so busy busy busy. But, I found a short space of time to write this so here we go._

_This isn't my best, but hey, I tried._

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><p>The tartness of the bright rhubarb hit me first, then the cool refreshing vanilla ice cream. "This rhubarb dessert is gorgeous Mum" I signed with my mouth full, not that it matters.<p>

"Thank you dear, how are you finding it Sara?" She signed to my wife, who pondered on the hand gestures momentarily. She was still learning to perfect her techniques and understanding of the language and practised daily.

"It's lovely thank you, very sweet. What's it called?"

"Rhubarb Betty" My mother grinned as she scooped up another spoonful. "I have more in the kitchen if you want to take some with you"

"I might just have to take you up on that offer" Sara smiled back. I broadened my own smile, happy to see the two of them getting along so well.

"That reminds me" My mother walked from the room suddenly, leaving me with my wife, who was equally as confused as I was.

"What's happening?" She spoke out loud as well as signing. It becomes second nature when in my mothers house for some reason.

"Got no idea" Just then, she returned with a white bag.

"I forget to give you my wedding present"

"Oh, thank you" Sara blushed, as she received the present.

"It's the same type of thing my mother got me when I married my husband" Betty smiled, reminising about her husband who she knew back to front, and I could hardly remember. "Come on then, open it" I signed grinning like a small child.

She pulled out a box, a velvet one with a blue ribbon around it. After untying it, Sara opened the box. Two small, knitted baby booties lay side by side in the little box. She grinned, a maternal wave flushing over her. Then she turned to me.

"Catching flies Gil?" she signed as she laughed along with Betty. She had mentioned children before, but I didn't know she was serious.

My face fell. "MOTHER!" He signed to Betty, mortified. "Couldn't you have gotten me bugs instead?"

"No Gil, you have loads of bloody bugs. How about continuing the Grissom name?"

"But..." My eyes gaped, huge as I looked between my mother and my wife. "It's not fair, why do I have to be an only child?"

"Stop being babyish Gil" My mother scolded.

"Sorry mother..." I hung my head, then went to get my bowl. "I've been a good boy...can I have more ice cream?"

"Well...you did eat all your dinny dins" I chuckled as she walked away with the empty bowls.

"How about some Sara dessert later" He spoke out loud to me, winking.

"Gil...after witnessing your own husband talking to his mother like a three year old...there is certain duties you cannot fulfil".

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><p><em>Thanks for reading, how about dropping me a few lines? There will be more as soon as I can, thank you for being patient and all the reviews so far!<em>


	12. Pesky periods

**Authors note: **_this one is mainly dialogue, sorry about that one. But bear with it..I was chuckling as I was writing it myself!_

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><p>"Come on Sara.."<p>

"No Gil...besides we have work soon"

"But honey, it's been too long"

"No." I pulled his broad hand from my clothed thighs as I jumped from the bed.

"Sarrrrrrrra" Gil coaxed as he stood, naked, and walked towards me. I turned, grinning, as he came up behind me. His arms wrapped around my body, a certain area pressing into my behind as he brushed my hair aside, preparing to layer kisses on my neck.

"Stop it you"

"Stop what?" He asked innocently.

"Trying to seduce me"

"Is it working?"

"Get off"

"That's a yes then?"

""Gil. Do one. I need to get changed."

"I'd rather you just got unchanged"

"GIL!" At that, he jumped away, walking towards the bathroom with a pout on his face. "Yeah, that's it, treat yourself to a cold shower"

Even hours later, while at work, he still kept pestering me.

"Come on honey, I'll even do that position you love"

"Oh yeah, which ones that?"

"Erm...er...doggy style?"  
>"No...not my favourite anyway" I laughed as I walked past him in the break room.<p>

"Dear...you don't normally say no for no reason, what's wrong? Why can't we-" Just then Nick, Greg and Catherine walked into the room. "write letters together" Gil finished, hoping the others wouldn't catch on.

"The laptop is not responding"

"Well...I can fix that..quite easily" He smirked.

"It's broken"

"It hasn't been used that often"

"Well...not that you know of no" That comment made his mouth drop.

"You used it a lot before me?"

"Well...it's a good looking laptop, would be a shame to let it go to waste"

"You could have used it by yourself"

"Yeah, I do sometimes"

"I knew it."

At this point the guys in the room were glancing between us and themselves, often portraying confused looks.

"Come on Sara, let me use your..laptop..please?"

"No Gil"

"I'll be gentle"

"I don't care how gentle you will be, your not using my laptop, end of story"  
>"Why not?"<p>

"There is a red ribbon on it.." I waited a moment for him to catch on.

"Oh damn..."

"Sorry, it will be good to use soon though."

"But...my..letter needs writing...its urgent"

I turned to him, casting him my most sultry look. I could see it working on him. "Your pen is still working right?"

"Yeah, it's full of ink!" Gil's eyes twinkled as he thought about the loving he thought he was going to receive.

"Well then" I turned to walk away before I shouted over my shoulder "write it by hand!"

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><p><strong><em>Come on guys, only takes a few seconds to comment, but makes the writers day! Thank you!<em>**


	13. Emotional entomology

**Authors note:** Yes, I haven't updated in a long time and I apologise for that! But here it is! I hope you enjoy. Please note I have just written this, and I'm exhausted so please be nice! It's just an idea I had that I could not let go to waste.

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><p>''Oh my God Sara, why did you show us this?'' Nick enquired, not removing his eyes from the monitor he, Sara, Greg and Archie were crowded around.<p>

Greg chimed in. ''Yeah Sara, this is...it's-'

''Brutal? Unjust? Disgusting?'' Sara finished, not attempting to hide her emotions as the video continued. It was an advert released by PETA, trying to raise awareness of the brutal seal clubbing in Canada. ''Why would someone do this? What people?'' She shook her head sadly, pausing the video.

''I'm going to have to get some coffee, I'm barely staying awake'' Nick stated. ''Plus, this seal video is going to be on my mind all night now, thanks to a certain Mrs. Grissom'' He patted Sara on the back before turning to leave.

''Hey wait up, I'll grab some with you'' Greg followed.

''Ah, guess a little more coffee couldn't hurt'' Archie mentioned as he peered into his now empty mug ''and maybe a cookie or two. You want anything Sara?''

''No Arch, thanks. I'll get some food later'' She smiled as he left her. As soon as Archie left, her seemingly busy husband turned up out of the blue.

''Hey sweetie, I, wait. What's wrong Sara?'' Gil came to her side noticing her eyes brimming with tears.

''Oh Gil, its this video'' She gestured to the screen. ''Here, watch this''. She clicked play and they both watched together, Sara for the third or fourth time. A few moments into the video, Gil spoke once more.

''Oh God! That's awful!''

''I know! How could they''

''We should do something about this Sara''

''Yeah?'' Sara's mood changed a little, happy her husband was as passionate about this subject as she was.

''Of course I mean, look at that!'' He pointed to a small thumbnail next to the video. ''What sick person would put up a video of that?!'' Sara peered at the thumbnail and read the video title out loud.

''Man burns maggots alive?''

Gil shook his head in disgust, feeling saddened because of the image.

''You're upset...because a guy has released a 30 second video of burning maggots?''

''Sara, there is such evil in this world. Such evil. What did the innocent maggots do to deserve that?''

''You know Gil, sometimes its so hard to love you.''

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><p><strong>What do you think? Any good? As you have probably noticed, I do love GSR, but from now on I'm going to try and focus on the other characters too. R&amp;R thanks!<strong>


	14. Awkward arguements

**Authors note: **This one is a little longer, but its worth it I think. I don't have a specific timeline for this one, just something to cheer you guys up! Enjoy!

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><p>''Family meeting!'' D.B shouted down the halls of CSI. ''Family meeting in the layout room now!'' He strode off to the layout room, expecting most of the grave shift to follow. ''You too, Dr G.'' He pointed at Gil, although he was visiting from Las Vegas university, where he gave lectures.<p>

''Ermm, okay.'' Gil followed confused.

As D.B waited, the room slowly filled up with his team. Greg, Nick and Morgan arrived together, followed by Sara and Gil, then Archie and Hodges. He waited until everyone was ready before he began.

''So, you are probably wondering why I called a meeting now?'' He was met with nods of agreements and casual 'yeahs' before he continued. ''Well, this evening, when I walked into my office, I sat down at my desk to begin filing my reports, thought I would waste some time before the beginning of shift.'' He peered around at everyone behind his glasses, making sure they were all listening. ''While I was working, I got a little thirsty, so I turned to my mini fridge-'' He turned to his side portraying his actions, while keeping his head back on the small crowd ''and then I saw it!'' He spun his body back around to face everyone, causing confusion as to what 'it' was. ''Just draped over my mini fridge, staring at me as if it was making a statement. Was filthy.'' He stopped talking, searching the faces for any reactions.

After a few moments, Morgan cleared her throat. ''Uhh, D.B, what are you talking about?''

''Well, the culprit should know. What was this? A college prank?'' He pulled something from a bag on the table. ''This is what I found.'' He plucked out a wad of fabric. As he held it by a corner, it unrolled to reveal itself.

''A thong?'' Nick's voice.

''Yeah Nicky, a thong. A planted thong.''

''Why would someone plant a thong in your office?''

''Exactly what I was thinking. A prank...or maybe something more?'' He cast a watchful eye over everyone. ''Maybe a couple of love birds couldn't wait til they got home'' He eyed up Gil and Sara.

''Whoa, I don't know what you are suggesting'' Gil started.

''Well, Catherine did tell me of an encounter she had a few months back?''

''She told you about that!?'' Sara squeaked, embarrassment flooding her cheeks as she remembered their run in with Catherine in Gil's office.

''About what?'' Archie piped up.

''Oh, you were doing the nastyyyyy'' Hodges chimed in.

''Oh dude! Not cool!'' Greg's voice now.

''Please guys, it's only happened a few tim-'' Gil started but unsuccessfully tried to stop himself.

''Gil!'' Sara batted her husbands arm as he glanced at her apologetically.

''Jeez, you two are like teenagers'' Morgan giggled.

''I didn't get that much when I was a teenager'' Hodges said quietly. The room feel silent as everyone looked at him. ''What? I was just...very particular about my ladies.''

''Yeah, okay Hodges'' Greg said sarcastically.

''Hey, you didn't get with the ladies til you were 22'' Archie joined in. Now it was Greg's turn to be embarrassed. He turned to Sara.

''You told him!''

Archie responded for her. ''Actually, Nick told me.''

Greg gaped at Nick. Then looked at Sara once more. ''You told Nick?''

''No, I told Gil, he told Nick...and Dave'' Sara shrugged.

''Yeah, Dave told me'' Morgan smiled awkwardly. ''I think its sweet though'' She offered.

''No its not'' Greg stuck his lower lip out.

''Okay okay. That's enough!'' D.B interrupted. ''Everyone knows Greg was a late bloomer, old news. What we are focusing on now are these panties...and who they belong too'' He held them up for the group to see. ''Any takers?''

The team remained silent, no one showing interest or owning up. ''Fine, guess I will just-''

''There mine''. Every face followed the small voice to the owner, taking in her embarrassed features. ''Sorry D.B. Was a joke'' Morgan tilted her head slightly, as she reached out for the undergarments. ''It won't happen again''.

He passed them to her. ''I hope not. Now this is cleared up, lets forget it and get back to the break room. I have assignments to hand out.''

Everyone slowly cleared the room, Greg glaring at Sara who apologised numerous times. Morgan stayed as she grabbed the bag and placed the panties inside. When the room was completely cleared, she left and walked towards the break room, not before making a small detour.

''Hey, you want to be more careful where you leave these? Next time you might not be as lucky'' She laughed, handing the bag over to its rightful owner. ''Anyway, who do they really belong to?''

''Well you know me'' Hodges eyes glistened. ''I'm particular about my ladies''.

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><p><strong>I found myself laughing while writing this, I hope you enjoyed it too. Poor Greg, haha. Please R&amp;R, thanks!<strong>


	15. Private phone calls

**Authors note: **This idea just came to me, hope the way it was written doesn't bring it down. Enjoy!

Oh and thank you so much for the reviews/favourites etc. The support is great, thanks guys!

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><p>''Hey sweetie'' Gil answered the phone after only a couple rings.<p>

''Well hello'' Sara smiled down the phone as she relaxed on their bed, the silky sheets caressing her bare legs. ''How's it all going over there?''

''Well, I have one more meeting, then I'm home''

''And all mine for the afternoon?'' She asked, hopeful. Gil chuckled.

''Yes darling, then I'm all yours.''

''Good. I can't wait til you get home''

''I bet not''

''Hmm. I'm wearing that nice silk teddy you like so much''

''Oh, the sexy little black number?''

''Yes'' Sara purred, leaning back on the soft covers. ''So you better hurry.''

''I can only go as fast as the meeting allows me''

''No fun'' She pouted.

''You're pouting aren't you''

''No''

''I know you better then that Mrs. Grissom''

''Oh Dr Grissom, so serious all the time. Can't we just play'' He grinned at this.

''Maybe later, I'll see how I feel'' He opted for the casual, hard to get option.

''I'll make you change your mind''

''Oh?'' He glanced at the clock. He listened to her giggle at his short response.

''I love making you speechless. The last time I did that however, I was on my knees''

''Ugh, honey''

''Oh Gil, getting flashbacks?''

''Well-''

''I wish you were here right now. I want you Gil, I want you to rip this teddy off me, make me happy, make passionate love to me, make me scream your name out loud''

''Sara-''

''Make me cry out in ecstasy as you always do. God, I can imagine you here right now. Kissing, caressing, moaning, stroking. Its making me hot''

''Seriousl-''

''I know sweetie, I can't wait either...when is that meeting anyway?''

''Well, it started 5 minutes ago when the other members walked in...and you've been on speaker the whole time''. Gil struggled to contain his laughter, as did many of the men around him. He did feel slightly embarrassed for his wife though. He would make it up to her. ''I tried to tell you, but you just carried on. Sorry dear''.

He heard her sigh. ''Why me?''

''You should count yourself lucky my dear''

She laughed shortly. ''Lucky? Me?''

He smiled ''At least it wasn't video phone''

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><p><strong>I know it is short and sweet, but I hope it cheered you up a little? R&amp;R, thanks!<strong>


	16. Fifty shades of fun

**Authors note: **Had quite a demand for something like this. Its more cute then funny though, enjoy!

Also, thanks for all the reviews and such, they are so great to recieve as a fanfic writer!

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><p>Hodges sauntered down the glassy halls of the lab, surrounded by numerous CSI's and technicians, a small folder in his hand by his side. He approached Nick and Greg, talking about last nights big game.<p>

''Come on, pay up. You know you owe me'' Nick elbowed Greg, chuckling at his younger friend.

''Fine fine, you were lucky this time'' Greg stuck out his lower lip as he handed over the $50 in question.

''Hey guys'' Hodges interrupted ''Have you seen Morgan? I have her tox results?''

''Erm, yeah, in the break room I think'' Greg supplied, Nick nodding in agreement.

''Thanks'' He replied shortly before turning on his heel.

''Hey Hodges! You got my results for the substance found around the victims mouth?'' Nick shouted down the hall.

''Working on it!'' He yelled over his shoulder.

When he entered the break room, he found Morgan curled up on the sofa with a book, reading intently. A loose strand of golden hair feel in front of her face before it was shortly pushed back behind her ear with a free hand, her eyes not leaving the page.

''So cute'' Hodges murmured absent-mindedly causing Morgan's head to jerk in his direction.

''I'm sorry?''

''I said, want fruit?'' He said quickly and gestured towards the fruit bowl on the table. Morgan shook her head at his offer. _That was a close one. _''I got your tox results anyway'' He offered the folder to her. She closed the book, placing it to her side and received the folder, automatically opening it and glancing over the results. He waited patiently for any questions, then noticed the title of her book.

''Fifty shades of Grey?'' He reached down and opened the page she had bookmarked.

Morgan closed her folder giggling. ''Yeah, its quite good actually''.

''Isn't it a little...explicit?'' He struggled for the right word.

''Well, depends what your definition of explicit is?'' Hodges noticed the deeper tone in her voice and the sparkle in her eye as she spoke to him. He turned to the book and began reading out loud.

''Before I know it, he's got both of my hands in his viselike grip above my head, and he's pinning me to the wall using his lips …His other hand grabs my hair and yanks down, bringing my face up, and his lips are on mine …My tongue tentatively strokes his and joins his in a slow, erotic dance...''

Hodges faced coloured as he stopped there, not wanting to read the rest out loud.

''You okay Hodges? You've gone fifty shades of red'' Morgan grinned warmly. ''That's just the basic stuff'' She plucked the book from his grasp.

''What's so good about his Christian Grey anyway?'' Questioned Hodges when he found his voice once more. ''I mean, he is just a kinky rich dude''

''Exactly.'' Morgan placed the book down. ''He is mysterious, strange, a foreign land waiting to be discovered, he's full of passion, he's-''

''Your dream man?''

At this, Morgan turned to look at him. His face was a picture, eyebrows raised, lips slightly parted awaiting a response. ''No, not at all'' She answered honestly. ''I don't know what I want really, just prefer to be-'' She stepped closer to him ''surprised..'' she finished, a foot or so away from him.

''What about an ornithophobic trace technician who hates germs, loves Astro Quest and lives with his pet cat, Mr K?''

Morgan smiled at him, stepping closer once more. ''Well, lose the kiss ass attitude and we'll talk''.

Hodges sighed and walked past her, leaving the break room. ''Don't try and change me baby''.

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><p><strong>What do you guys think? I love Hodge and Morgan, got any more fans out there? R&amp;R, thank you!<strong>


	17. Morgans mishap

**Authors note:** Thanks again for reviews, favourites and subscriptions. Enjoy!

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><p>"Can't believe how hungry I am" Greg groaned to Finn as they walked into the crime lab. They had spent the morning in court testifying against Jonathan Spencer, a man who had single handedly murdered 4 of his wife's lovers. Finn had made no secret as to how ridiculous she thought it was that a woman had that many lovers in the first place, must less that a man would kill them all and spend the rest of his life in jail for it, as opposed to just divorcing the adulteress.<p>

"Grab some lunch then?" Finn replied casually. "But make it quick, D.B wants us to help out with Nicks case."

"Where is Sara in all of this? Can't she help out?"

"She is off having a rendezvous with a certain Dr Grissom I believe" Finn wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.  
>"You do realise that she is like a sister to me?" Greg squeaked. "Don't really want that image"<p>

"Come on, I know there was a time when you wanted to tap that" Finn giggled as Greg's cheeks flushed scarlet. "Who wouldn't". Greg stopped and looked Finn in the face, his own mouth agape. Finn laughed as she shoved his arm. "Just kidding. Jeez, should see your face"

"Greg, Jules. There you are" D.B appeared from nowhere. "Greg? You okay? You look...flustered" The supervisor peered at the younger man, who now began to compose himself.

"Yeah..yeah, I'm fine. You wanted us to help with Nick's case?" Greg looked away from the amusement in Finns eyes to meet his boss.

"Yeah, I was just going to update you both"

"Great, but can I go grab something to eat really quickly? I'm starving" Greg jammed his thumb towards the break room. "I'll be quick". D.B sighed and rubbed his face. The lab was low in number tonight, so he just wanted to get on with things.

"Yeah, but hurry. I need you in here". D.B stated before turning back towards his office, Finn in tow. Greg nodded, although it was not acknowledged, and hurried towards the break room. Raiding the fridge, he found an egg salad sandwich, a chocolate bar and a bottle of Pepsi. He began tearing at the sandwich wrapping before he sat down, placing the chocolate bar on the table while he washed it down with the Pepsi. Sighing happily, Greg continued to devour the sandwich as Nick strode in.

"Hey, I need you in the garage. Got an SUV to process, two man job".

"Nick, can't you see I'm eating?" Greg mumbled, his mouth full of half eaten egg.

"Yeah, that's why I've come. To hurry you along. Here, read this info I collected on the victim so far. I'll get you up to speed when you join me" Nick tossed a paper file onto the desk, knocking the chocolate bar onto the seat beside Greg. Not noticing, Greg went on to talk to Nick.

"But D.B said-"

"I know, I've told him I was going to grab you. Just hurry up". With that, Nick was gone. Greg read through the file and then pushed the final mouth full of the sandwich into his mouth and drank the last of the Pepsi.  
>"Hey Greg" Morgan walked into the room. "What you doing?" She grabbed a mug of coffee and sat beside him, pulling out a forensics magazine.<p>

"Leaving, apparently no one in the lab understands the concept of eating" Greg muttered as he threw his sandwich wrapping in the bin. "I'll see you later". He stood, picked up the paper file, waved her off and left. Shrugging her shoulders, Morgan continued to read the forensics magazine.

Some time later, Morgan decided she had had enough time on break and returned to work. As she was finished with her case, she went looking for Greg and Nick. Still in the garage, the boys looked thoroughly tired by the time she found them. "Hey guys. I came to see if you guys needed help, but seems like you are all finished in here?"

"Yeah, not much to be done here. Archie is going over some footage from the scene though if you want to check up on that? We will meet you there." The Texan smiled at the young blonde.

"Cool, I'll see you there" She smiled warmly before walking to the near water fountain. Nick walked close to Greg so only he could hear.

"Don't be jealous Greggo" Nick teased, noticing the green eyed monster appeared whenever Morgan was around.

"Hey, shut up. I'm not jealous of anything" He pouted as he turned to look at Morgan. "Wait Nick..what's that on Morgan's..erm..backside?" Both CSI men stained to look at the woman bending over the fountain and drinking. "That's not what I think it is..right?" Greg turned to Nick, who gawked at Morgan's behind.

"Did she...crap her pants?" Nick gasped. "Hey, in that case, you can have her" Nick chuckled raising his hands in defeat. "I for one am not into that."

"Should we tell her?" Greg pondered out loud. At this point, Morgan had stopped drinking and was walking away, presumably to Archie's AV lab. As she walked, numerous heads turned in her direction, however she seemed to be oblivious. Nick and Greg waited a couple moments before chasing her there. When they reached their destination, Morgan was about to sit beside Archie, who was looking uncomfortable. "Morgan! Don't sit down!" Greg rushed over and gripped her elbow, pulling her away from the seat.

"What..why?" Morgan enquired, looking dazed and wondering why everyone seemed to be shouting. "What's going on?"

"Look, we are aware this job is stressful and at times a little scary" Nick started.

"Yeah, its natural to feel scared at times. It's also normal to not be able to control that fear..or anything else" Greg continued.

"If you feel you..can't control it..there are places for that"

"Yeah Morgan, it happens all the time. Even to grown women like you" Greg reasoned.

"What? What are you on about" Morgan looked from one man to the other. Archie sat in the middle of it all, seeming to be a little baffled by all the interaction.  
>"There are clinics for that type of stuff, isn't there Greg"<p>

"Yeah, there is. People can help you"

"I don't need help..I need you to tell me what the hell you are talking about" Morgan shouted at the two, which brought the attention of D.B who just so happened to be passing.

"What's all the yelling about" He interrupted. Both Nick and Greg turned to him.

"Morgan crapped her pants" They claimed in unison.

"What?"

"What!" Morgan's face twisted into confusion.

"Who crapped their pants" Ecklie walked into the AV lab, apparently overhearing the latter part of the conversation.

"Morgan did" D.B replied.

"I didn't"

"Its okay sweetie" Ecklie soothed as he approached his daughter. "I don't really understand, you used the potty so well when you were little"

"Dad!" Morgan yelled, mortified.

"That's kind of creepy" Nick interjected.

"She can learn again, right?" Greg looked towards Ecklie.

"I don't need to learn again Greg!" Morgan shoved him.

"Well, clearly you do" Archie chimed in.

"Stay out of this Archie"

"Well you get your poop out of my lab"

"It's my lab, and she can't-" Ecklie defended.

"No, Dad, st-"

"Why are we all in here?" Finn now joined the rest of the CSI's in the lab. "Private party"

"Not the type of party I'd want to go to" Nick shuddered.

"They think I crapped my pants" Morgan addressed Finn, hoping she wouldn't get sucked up into the idiocy of the men around her.

"Well..it looks like you did" Finn laughed as she looked at Morgan's derrière. She extended her hand towards distressed woman's behind. "Hold on" she said as she swiped at the offending brown substance.

"Ewww Finn, what are you doing?" Nick gasped.

"No, God no"

"Get your hands off my daughters behind!"

Nick fainted, along with Greg and D.B watched in horror and Ecklie turned away as she brought her fingers to her mouth to taste the sticky paste. "You guys are idiots" Finn muttered, figuring the cause of the mishap.

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><p><strong>What did you guys think? As always, R&amp;R is greatly appreciated. Have a nice day!<strong>


	18. David the diva

**Authors note:** Hey, I know I haven't updated this story for a while, but I've got some time off so I'm returning to it. Those of you who have read the rest of these little ficlets will notice this is a replacement..and I hope an improvement, of an earlier chapter. Anyway, enjoy!

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><p>"Where's my tox reports Hodges?"<p>

"Hey David? Yeah, I need the GSR report on that ring I pulled from the vic, like now"

"Can you be hurrying up with those samples? I'm on a tight schedule"

Hodges sighed as he began testing even more samples for the grave shift. All he had all night was constant bugging, harassing him to get their results. "Do they not know I have a system?" He murmured to none other than himself.

It was true, the night had been slow at first, but it soon picked up as the sun died down and the moonlight hit the sinful streets of Vegas. Sara and Nick were working a double homicide of two sex workers, while Morgan, Finn and Greg were investigating death at a weekend bender out at a ranch near Lake Mead. Yes, drugs, booze and pleasures of the flesh were all the rage at the moment.

D.B was busy in his office filing paperwork. Well, at least that's the story he was sticking to. The white haired supervisor made every excuse under the sun to get away as often as possible. To check up on the samples, to call his wife or to check in with his team. Although, usually the older man could be seen making a trip to the fridge for a doughnut, or seven.

Hodges spun around to find Greg had left his hand-held radio behind. "Why not?" He said out loud. He reached over, flicking the switch to the 'on' position and listened for a moment.

_I feel pretty  
>Oh so pretty<br>I feel pretty and witty and bright_

Hodges smiled to the melody of the song and began swaying in rhythm with the music. He plucked a sample from the table, given to him a couple hours ago by an eager Finn. Stepping away from his table, Hodges moved to the door of his lab area. Shifting his head from left to right and checking that D.B was still in his office, he returned to his space, pleasantly satisfied. Grinning to himself, Hodges began singing along out loud.

_"I feel charming  
>Oh so charming<br>It's alarming how charming I feel  
>And so pretty<br>That I hardly can believe I'm real"_

Hodges moved about the lab as gracefully as he could muster, raising and waving his arms through the air in a mock orchestra of the music. He placed Finn's sample next to Nicks in the centrifuge, then began to saunter back to the table.

_"See the pretty girl in that mirror there?  
>Who can that attractive girl be?<br>Such a pretty face  
>Such a pretty dress<br>Such a pretty smile  
>Such a pretty me!"<br>_

As the song gradually ended, Hodges had separated cells with mixtures of the samples from Finn and Nick. "Oh, this is a bit more bouncy" Hodges grinned as the next song began on the radio. Noticing the beat, he began to swing his hips along with it.

"_Oh baby when you talk like that  
>You make a woman go mad<br>So be wise and keep on  
>Reading the signs of my body<em>

And I'm on tonight  
>You know my hips don't lie<br>And I'm starting to feel it's right  
>All the attraction, the tension<br>Don't you see baby, this is perfection"

At that moment Sara and Nick had returned to the lab from questioning a suspect and were making their way to Hodge's lab area. "God I hope he has a lead, cases like this never fail to piss me off" Sara vented on an already frustrated Nick.

"What doesn't piss you off?" Nick rubbed his face as he earned a raised eyebrow glare from Sara. "After we check with Hodges, how about we go grab some breakfast. Maybe you can bring that husband of yours along" He smiled, hoping to make up for it. Sara's features softened as she raised her right wrist to her face, checking the time.

"I'll check, but he might be in bed at the moment. Man, I wish I were there too" Sara moaned at her tiredness.

"Sara, keep that stuff to yourself. You kinky minx" Nick shoved her playfully as she thumped his arm.

"You know what I mean!"

"Hey hey hey...shush a minute" Nick pressed his hands to her mouth, silencing her. She mumbled something under his hand as Nick peered around. "Can you hear that? Is that..singing?" He released his hand as Sara's ears picked up.

"Oh yeah. Sounds like..no way" She gave a gap-toothed grin before making her way towards Hodges. Nick ensued, stopping as they reached Hodges' door. His back to them, he was oblivious to their stares. Sara reached into her pocket, pulling out her phone.

"What you doing?" Nick whispered, struggling to contain his laughter.

"I'm just alerting D.B that our lab technician has been replaced by a regular Prima Donna!" She texted furiously before turning back to Hodges.

"Don't you mean 'Shakira Shakira'?" Nick bumped his hips in a similar fashion as Hodges. Sara brought her index finger to her lip, beckoning his silence as they watched. At this point, Hodges had began singing the chorus once more.

"_Oh baby when you talk like that  
>You make a woman go mad<br>So be wise and keep on  
>Reading the signs of my body<em>

And I'm on tonight  
>You know my hips don't lie<br>And I'm starting to feel it's right  
>All the attraction, the tension<br>Don't you see baby, this is perfection"

He completely lost himself in the music as he jiggled his hips, forgetting about the work he needed to complete. At this point, sweat had began to appear from Hodges pores, as he ran his hands up his body before throwing them in the air. Sara clamped her hand over her mouth as tears began to form, Nick was doubled over with laughter. D.B's voice suddenly intruded "What's going o-"

"Shush!" Both Nick and Sara turned to him, before silently pointing to Hodges. D.B's eyes widened as he watched, before his face broke out into a large grin. "You've got to be kidding me" he chuckled.

Hodges decided to jump and spin, landing in a position 180 degrees from his last. He was met with the tear eyed, laughter filled faces of his co-workers. "Oh my" he stammered as his face went bright crimson.

"Hodges...I'm disappointed but not surprised" D.B placed his hand on his stomach as he tried to control his laughter.

"You forgot your gypsy skirt David" Nick grinned widely. Sara also attempted to say something, but failed and only resulted in giggling at the embarrassed technician. Hodges huffed as he walked through the hysterical CSI's, only to bump into more. This time however, they were all crowded around Archies centre computer screen, watching Hodges dance on screen. "Wait...you recorded me and passed it on to Archie?" Hodges yelled down the hall.

"Sorry, I just...its so funny" Sara squealed as she placed her hands on her knees. "My cheeks actually hurt from laughing".

"Hey David, can I get an autograph?" Morgan smiled in his direction.

"You show them David, you feisty curvy diva!" Finn giggled, holding onto Greg for support from her laughter.

"David, why were you...dancing in the lab on my time? Not exactly the type of work I'm paying you for" Ecklie stated in a monotone voice as he walked down the lab hall. "What exactly have you got to say for yourself?" Hodges, mouth agape peered around hoping an explanation would fall from the sky, or a whole would appear in the ground and swallow him up. Instead, he replied with the first thing that came to mind.

"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful". With that he spun on his heel and went back to his samples.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading, remember to R&amp;R! I'm aiming to put more up tomorrow, so stay tuned.<strong>


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